Reasons I lay awake until six o'clock this morning...
by Tim Faircloth on Sep 2, 2008, 11:34 am
When you can’t sleep, you realize that your house is a really noisy place at night. Here are a few of the noises I usually don’t pay attention to:
- My bed creaks every time you move any muscle of your body. I swear I need a full can of WD-40 and a bottle of chalk dust to silence that thing.
- There’s always some insect playing in the blinds. Last night it must have been a cockroach or a beetle of some sort. It was that loud.
- Apparently 4am-5pm is the best time for the garbage collectors to service every dumpster within five blocks of my house, and they get paid based on how much noise they can make.
- There’s a motor in my printer which has the sole purpose of making noise at random intervals. What the hell is it doing?
- Your entire digestive system makes some really funny noises when you’re trying to sleep. Your stomach isn’t the only part that growls and gurgles.
Then again, there are some other strange things that keep you up at night:
- One time a friend of mine was awakened at 3am by a banging noise coming from his neighbor’s yard. When he went to check on it, he found his neighbor throwing a microwave against a brick wall over and over.
- None of the slats on my bed are long enough to support the mattress. Right now I have them jerry rigged with duct tape so they’re sitting on the frame and won’t wander too much, but all to often I’ve been awakened by a collapsing bed when the duct tape gives way. I’ve put it on my “damnit, i’m going to repair that today” list along with replacing the threshold for my front door.
- My cat is stupid. She has cat doors, but if I let her out the front door (which has no cat door), she thinks she’s entered a portal into a world where she can’t get in unless I open that same door for her. She will sit at the front door and cry pitifully until I get up and let her in.
